Baby Shower Etiquette – Why You Should Care and What You Should Know

Baby Shower Etiquette is Another Way to Make Your Guests Comfortable

Baby shower etiquette would be rules that govern good behavior at a baby shower, since the dictionary says that the word etiquette is rules that govern socially acceptable behavior in general. I like to think of it as just another way to make my shower guests feel comfortable. Following rules of etiquette helps to avoid embarrassing or uncomfortable situations. Luckily, throwing a baby shower is light and fun, with few rules of baby shower etiquette you should adhere to. Most of it is just good common courtesy and common sense.

Who can host a baby shower?

Back in Grandma’s day, baby shower etiquette would dictate that a family member would never give a baby shower. Since a shower is a gift-giving event, it could look to the gossipy types that the family is asking for presents. Thank goodness, things have relaxed a lot since then. A baby shower can be given by anyone that is close to you, whether it is your mother, sister, relative, friend, or co-worker. The only person inappropriate to throw a shower would be yourself; you should never have a shower for yourself. Just seems tacky somehow, doesn’t it. It’s that common sense thing again.

If you are hosting the shower, the shower is considered your gift to the mother. No other gift should be expected, of course, that’s totally up to you if you want to give more.

Is it proper baby shower etiquette to have a baby shower for a second or third baby?

Baby shower etiquette aside, I think all would agree that the second or third baby is just as precious as the first baby. Yes, it is perfectly acceptable to have a baby shower for each baby, no matter how many babies you have. If the mother is outfitted well with baby things from the first child, you might think of having a different type of shower, such as one that restocks all supplies (non-tear shampoo, wash cloths, powder, etc.), or a pamper-the-mom shower, or casserole shower.

Can I have more than one shower for the same baby?

Of course you can, if you invite a different set of guests. A church member may give you a shower, inviting other members. Co-workers may give you another shower, inviting other co-workers. Even friends can give you more than one shower as long as different guests are invited. But according to baby shower etiquette, if by chance, someone is invited to more than one shower, it should be made clear that no present is expected at the second shower.

How much should be spent on a shower gift?

That depends upon your relationship to the mother and your pocketbook. If you are only a casual friend, neighbor, or co-worker, or if you are limited on funds, ten to twenty dollars is perfectly acceptable. Of course you can feel free to spend more. Usually a very close relative, like the grandmother or aunt spends more in the neighborhood of fifty dollars. But then again, that’s just a ballpark. It’s also quite common for a group of friends or co-workers to combine their money and buy a big-ticket item like a stroller or baby swing. If going that route, be sure to check with the new mom first.

Should you invite someone who has recently had a miscarriage or trouble conceiving?

This is not as much a question of baby shower etiquette as it is a question of personal sensitivity. It really depends upon the person, how recent the loss, and the relationship to the mom. A close sister might be downright offended if she wasn’t invited, while another wouldn’t have the courage to face two hours of nothing but talk about babies and pregnancy. If in doubt, call or talk in private first. Ask her to be candid with you and ensure her that there will be no hard feelings if she would rather not attend.

Daddy-to-be wants to come. Is that good baby shower etiquette?

Absolutely proper according to baby shower etiquette. Have you noticed that most of today’s mothers-to-be say “we’re pregnant?” Fathers today tend to take a more active role in raising children. It’s quite common to have a co-ed shower, or even a Dad’s only shower that is held in a sports bar or cookout.

Can I give a surprise shower?

If the question is about if it is proper to give a surprise shower according to baby shower etiquette, yes it is. If you are questioning whether the shower you are giving should be a surprise, that’s one you should talk over with the new mother’s family. Some people downright hate to be surprised.

You should also check the guest list over with a family member. You wouldn’t want to overlook someone who should be invited, and likewise, you don’t want to invite someone that is not on good terms with the mommy-to-be.

One warning; give the shower before the birth not after. If the new mother hasn’t heard a word of a shower, and she’s given birth…well, you know how hormones can mix up with emotions. She may just think no one cared enough to give her a shower and be very depressed for no reason.

If the family knows the new mother would love a surprise, then go with it. It will be fun to see her face.

Is it bad baby shower etiquette to not give party favors?

In some parts of the country, it is common practice. In other parts, the refreshments and fun is all that is expected. Ask friends to see what has been done about favors to showers they have attended. If you do give favors, they are usually something inexpensive such as a candle, a nice soap, or lip gloss.

Should you give a shower for an adopted baby?

To NOT give a shower just because the baby is adopted would surely be bad baby shower etiquette. My daughter was my third child, and she was adopted. There’s no reason to not have a shower for an adopted child. The parents love an adopted child as much as a biological child, so celebrate their new fortune with them.

You should wait to have the shower until the child is actually placed with the parents. I know from experience that things can go wrong at the last minute, and that can be as devastating as “losing a child” or having a miscarriage.

When sending out invitations, try to find ones that refer to adoption. You should make sure all the guests know before the shower that the child was adopted. Just that common courtesy thing again.

Games at this type of shower are truly optional. Depending upon the age of the new arrival, he or she just might be enough entertainment for everyone.

Here are some posts by might enjoy:

• Do You Need To Give Baby Shower Favors?

You can read more about baby shower etiquette at About.com.

Here are some other baby shower sites that are related to baby showers. Thanks for visiting Cool Baby Showers.


Baby Shower Etiquette - Why You Should Care and What You Should Know
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